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User blog:White mau5/In Their Own Write: Fanon Hotel: Episode 1
I shall now be reviewing Episode 1 of Ponyo Fan's Fanon Hotel miniseries (I love you, baby!) ---- It was the big day. 12 of the site's members were going to meeting each other in person in Florida, and they'd be staying in a fancy hotel for two weeks. They had went through many obstacles; starting a Kickstarter supposedly for orphans so they could pay for the trip, and managed to convince their parents they were just going on a school trip, honest. Mmm, orphans... They all had their different ways of getting there; William went on a private jet, Ponyo skydived out of a plane as it was passing Mexico, Jellyfish drove a flying car with a "STAY OFF THE SAUCE" design, etc. Eventually, everyone got there, and met each other in person for the first time. Leonard has a private jet??? Lucky... "Um...hi, everyone." Ponyo said. "Hey, sexy." Lazaro said. Ponyo cringed. Lazaro was just as perverted in real life as he was online. My portrayal is quite accurate. "Uh, hi." "Hey, Ponyo." Jellyfish said, opening his suitcase full of Limp Bizkit and Offspring CDs. "This should take care of our music for two weeks." Limp Bizkit. Remember, kids, stay off the s*uce (it's just one of those days). "Hey, Simon." Da Nerd said. "H-asterisk-c-k." "Uh, what?" Simon asked. "H-asterisk-c-k." Typical Nerd. "Yeah, that doesn't really work in real life." "Damn." "Hey, Da Nerd." Topher said. "Hey, Toph." Da Nerd replied back. So, basically everyone introduced themselves to everyone, which was long and drawn out and not worth reading, so I'm just gonna skip ahead. "So..." Ponyo started. "...you guys wanna order room service?" "Sure." Lazaro said. "Does it come with a condom?" Since when have I ever used condoms? "Shut up." Ponyo said, hitting him on the arm. "Can we get pizza?" Topher asked. "Hold on, let me check out the price." Ponyo said, flipping through the menu. Her eyes practically fell out of her head. "Holy shit! $22 for a plain pepperoni pizza? Ain't nobody got time for that." Ponyo closed the book, leaving a little note inside for the next person who stays in this room; Room service is a ripoff. Don't waste your time. -Anonymous I only use room service if the waitress looks screwable. Wait, what? "Well, if you guys want pizza, Domino's probs delivers here." Ponyo said, taking out her laptop and going to the Domino's website. "What do all you guys want?" The screams started. "PEPPERONI PIZZA!" "BONELESS CHICKEN!" "HOT WINGS!" "OVEN BAKED SANDWICH!" "STUFFED CHEESY BREAD!" "PENIS PIZZA!" Penis. Ponyo turned to Lazaro, who was clearly the only person who could've said the last one. "That's not a real pizza." "It should be." Lazaro replied. ^' So Ponyo spent $300 of the Kickstarter money ($500,000 goal by the way - it totally worked, suckers!) so everyone could stuff their faces with whatever their hearts desired. "So, guys, what do you wanna do tomorrow?" Ponyo asked. "We could check out that interactive museum downto -- " Is it a porn museum? Ponyo stopped her sentence when she realized that everyone was comatose. It must've been a long ride to get here, so she understood they all needed their rest. One thing she did notice is that Da Nerd fell asleep on top of Simon. Ponyo giggled and took a picture with her camera. Lazaro snuck up behind her - apparently, not everyone was asleep - and began kissing her. Ponyo jumped. *Faps* "So, are you ready?" Lazaro asked. "Listen, Lazaro..." Ponyo started. "...I just don't know if I'm ready to have sex with you in real life." That's a bummer. :( "Come on, it's not that much different from the Internet." "Except for the STDs and AIDS and stuff like that." Penis. Lazaro frowned. "Oh. I see." Ponyo smiled. "Don't be like that. Look, we've got two weeks; if you can get a condom in two weeks, sure, I'm all for it." *Faps even more* CONDOMS! Lazaro thought. How could be so stupid as to have forgot condoms? "Alright." Lazaro said, heading off to sleep. Ponyo also head off to sleep, but not before reading the latest issue of Junjo Romantica with her reading light she had brought. That was some good porn. ---- Overall rating: 10/10 (because I'm biased and love Ponyo) Category:Blog posts Category:In Their Own Write